Tuesday Thought: Stark attachments 4

The fourth candidate for a stark attachment is a long prepositional construction in a long sentence.

Thomas takes a utilitarian approach to the problem by attempting to convince corporations, pension funds, and other investors that the price of continuing to ignore the impact of greenhouse-gas emissions will soon greatly exceed the cost of reducing them.

The preposition by connects the next 30 words in a blur of sentence, leaving readers to search for what’s important and what’s not.

This could have been two sentences, for two ideas of equal weight.

Thomas takes a utilitarian approach to the problem. He attempts to convince corporations, pension funds, and other investors that the price of continuing to ignore the impact of greenhouse-gas emissions will soon greatly exceed the cost of reducing them.

Recall that two sentences with the same subject are the first candidate for a stark attachment, as with this leading part:

Taking a utilitarian approach to the problem, Thomas attempts to convince corporations, pension funds, and other investors that the price of continuing to ignore the impact of greenhouse-gas emissions will soon greatly exceed the cost of reducing them.

And this inner part:

Thomas, taking a utilitarian approach to the problem, attempts to convince corporations, pension funds, and other investors that the price of continuing to ignore the impact of greenhouse-gas emissions will soon greatly exceed the cost of reducing them.

The example comes from a New Yorker piece (February 25, 2008) by Michael Specter:

Thomas takes a utilitarian approach to the problem, attempting to convince corporations, pension funds, and other investors that the price of continuing to ignore the impact of greenhouse-gas emissions will soon greatly exceed the cost of reducing them.

Specter simply removed the preposition by and starkly attached the rest. Note how the comma articulates the two parts of the sentence, something not so obvious in the first example at the top of this post.

I think, however, that he’s subordinating the more important idea, not the less. (See the two preceding examples.)

To sum stark attachments up:

Look for:

1. Two sentences or clauses with the same subject.
2. A sentence with two or more verbs tied to the subject.
3. A sentence with a who or which clause.
4. A sentence with a prepositional extravaganza.

Next, decide which part is less important.

Then, starkly attach it at the front of the sentence, in the middle, or at the back.